Long time, no post!

Since the last time I posted, those twinges became a spunky reality that are now 2!  They are wonderful toddlers that love to help around the house and have perfect manners - well, as long as you give them everything they want, don't make them share and just give in to their every whim!

In the last 2 years, I have done a lot of growing and so have they and it is time to get rid of the weight.  Starting tomorrow, I will be following the Zone and the Advocare 24 day challenge.  We have family pictures in August and I want to knock them out of the water and be proud of them.

I am currently working out an hour or so 5-6 days a week and will start in earnest with the clean diet.  There is some accountability as I am doing this as part of a challenge.  I even took before pictures - although I won't be sharing them until I get closer to goal at 160.

First goal is to be under 200 by end of July and then a 8-10 pound weight loss each month until I get to 160 and my purple dress.

One day at a time is how the weight came on and how it will come off.  See you soon for another update!

5w1d

Good Morning!

Well, my last beta on 10/12 did a wonderful thing, it doubled!! It was 684 Woohoo! I go in for an ultrasound on Monday, 10/19 along with another blood draw. It is supposed to be in the 6000
this time.

J and I are so excited! We hope and pray that the little one(s) are doing okay in there. I talk to them every day and let them know how much we want to meet them. For today, they are the size of a grain of rice. Funny, how I only occasionally eat rice! Now it will take on a whole new meaning!!

Let's see what else is new with me.... my butt and hips hurt! Bruises galore are the new fashion statement apparently. J says that I am getting really sensitive to the whole PIO thing. Thank goodness there are only 7 more weeks until it ends. YEAH, not even half way there yet. UGH!
The nausea is in full force, the boobs hurt (but that still could be PIO), I have lovely crampy and pulling sensations, I am constipated, I have acne and my hair looks like it hasn't been washed in years and I have heartburn. Oh, and I pee, a lot. I mean like every 10 minutes. No joking. I should take stock in the Charmin Company.

On Monday, I go to see how many little ones are sticking around - Will it be one, two, or three? And, alas, another beta test with progesterone. We are hoping for the 6000ish number and a good progesterone number as well. Stay tuned for an update on Monday.

In the meantime, I will leave you with this...

4dp3dt

In normal people speak, that is 4 days after a 3 day transfer. See the little guys, were on day 3 when Dr. Knockmeup decided they needed to go home and today is the 4th day from the 3rd day! Have I lost you yet? Good!

We got our freeze report yesterday and none made it to freeze. Very sad but I do see the light in that 2 were very early blastocysts. So, it just means they were a little behind. And, well that is okay. The ones that were put back were just a little behind so I am going with this whole trend that they will likely be late implanters. It is funny but I talk to them every day. I told J that people will think I am nutty but you know what, this is the closest we have ever gotten to getting KU so as far as I am concerned that I am until next Thursday.

Next Thursday is Beta day. The day, my poor bruised arms go before the nurse to suck out some more blood. At least this time, it is free! YEAH! I just have to wait a day for my progesterone test. I had wanted to fork out another $125 I could have had the test at the lab that does it in one day but I would really like to save some of what little money we have left.
It was funny, yesterday, I stuck something between my chest and my arm to open the car door and holy, heck, battman, my boobs HURT! I am going to attribute it to the PIO (progesterone in oil) that J thankfully gives me every night in the back side.
I do have some pictures of the little guys so I will leave you with images of what I hope will one day be in my arms.

3dt

Well, we did a 3dt today. They put back 2 - 7 cell grade 2.5 and one 6 cell 2.5. They are really hopefully that they will stick. We have 3 more growing away so I hope and pray that they grow to being frozen as well.

Dear DH

In a few short days, we will have been together for 9 years. Recently several of my friends have lost thier husbands unexpectantly. One of them, is posting letters to her husband and cataloging their memories. I thought that would be a neat idea. To not only remind ourselves of where we have been and to help our children know the past and how much they are wanted.

Over the next couple of weeks and months, I will chronicle our relationship and the ups, downs and struggles.

Love you Sweetie!

Up Close and Personal

When we are not together, it all falls apart.

I am watching up close and personal and that line just struck me. I miss my husband but he will be back tomorrow. Did the world fall apart? Nope but I just miss him.

A look into my future efforts to have a baby....

I will never be one of those people that can get knocked up with a little luck and just plain ol sex. I will never be accidentally pregnant.
My pregnancy will be very timed and very expensive.
There will be lots of doctors visit and drugs.
Drugs to calm my ovaries, drugs to make them super ovulate, drugs to thicken the home for my hopeful, future child.
There will be nothing natural or accidental or old fashioned about conception.
There will be lots of planning, lots of scheduling and lots of one on one time with Dr. Knockmeup.
Injection training wont be in my future but not because I wont be getting them but because my other half can do that.
My refrigerator will hold all the usual things plus the meds as they must be kept cold.
Good by caffeine, alcohol and exercise because this is just so expensive that nothing can upset the delicate balance of my body
Hello to hormones on high alert, weight gain just because and tears without reason.

As I told my mother the other day, we have already spent the other kids college fund before they get to college so why not spend this future one's? I am sure Dr. Knockmeup and his staff need a new painting in the waiting room or a boat or something.

Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE Dr. Knockmeup. He is very caring, takes his time and is so helpful. It really makes it just a bit easier to write out that check.

Anyway, today is a bad day for wishing, wanting but not able to start down that road just yet.

Sorry so long!

My oh My! It has been a long time. Summer is almost half over and we are still jugging along. J is doing well in school, T is back from one summer camp and on to another on Tuesday! I start teaching on Tuesday for an online course and sometime in the next couple of weeks, I am presenting at a conference in Dallas! Wooohooo!

T starts the 11th grade here shortly and J will start his last year of school in late August. S starts the 6th grade and I am sure there will be a large amount of girly, girly drama with teenagers or almost teenagers!

On the baby front, Dr. Knockmeup wants to proceed to IVF due to my situation so that is where we are going. J has to take care of some things and so do I but he has to go first.

That is the update from here and I will try to be a better blogger!

Cysts... why?!

I went to see Dr. Knockmeup today. We were supposed to get good news so that we could make the choice below. However, not only did my cysts NOT shrink.... I added one! Hot DAMN! My luck SUCKS.

So here is the revised list....

Option 1: IUI - 50% copay with Clomid and NOT injectables.

Option 2: IVF - Insurance doesn't pay anything for meds or procedures.

Dr. Knockmeup said that if the cysts dont go away he will go and do a lap. If he has to do that, then the lap will definitely tell him if Option 1 is even an option.

Stay tuned on the ride of life!

IUI or IVF?

It looks like we will need a little help from our friends... Mr. Green and Dr. Knockmeup. I have a couple of options - one insurance covers and one it doesn't.

Option 1: IUI - 50% copay. May or May not cover the drugs needed through my medical coverage.

• If insurance pays for Meds - I then think that this is a no brainer. We would try 2-3 before moving on to IVF.
• If insurance doesn't pay for Meds - then I think we may try 1 cycle and then move to IVF

Option 2: IVF - Insurance doesn't pay anything for meds or procedures.

• We would likely be able to do 1 IVF and one FET cycle.

I am not sure which is the best option that will get us to holding a baby that is ours. I feel it is a crap shoot either way. Only time will tell and Mr. Green and Dr. Knockmeup - will do their best to accomplish the mission.

The Week Ahead....

It is going to be a busy week ahead.... J is out of town tomorrow but will be home late, late, tomorrow. He has a lot of papers that are due and he has asked me to proof them. It is also the last week of the 6 weeks which means, T will have projects due as well. Just a sample of our schedule....

• Go to work early, to get home early for T
• J gets home at 11pm
• Read papers for J, help with edits
• Finish cleaning bathroom and prepare for J's party
• Help T with homework and preparing for tests
• J has 2 doctor appts - and then he works
• Depending on results will determine where we go from here...IF related.
• J has a final presentation in one class on Tuesday and a final in another on Sat.
• T has is final awards ceremony on Friday
• J leaves late on Saturday for military duty, oh joy!

It is so busy. But the semester is almost over for both my boys... just a little bit more and then we can all breath a sigh of relief.

Onwards and Upwards

Well another cycle came and went. We had good timing and I had three follies (eggs just waiting). In our joy to get KU, we went to the RE (reproductive endocrinologist), he asked us lots of questions, did an exam and then gave me some directions. I may or may not have a cyst so I get to go back in on Friday for another look. If it is a cyst, out it will come. Oh, Joy!

I also got to get some blood drawn. Lots of it. J has to have it done as well. He is being a little pokey about getting it done but I will remind him. We will get our results next Wednesday. Then we will have a game plan. It may include surgery for me and it may include IVF. If we have to do IVF, J and I have talked about trying to do a cycle in July. It would really be the best of the timings and since it has to be planned it will be when our timing works best.

J is almost half way done with his graduate program. I cant wait for him to be complete. I think that the rest of this semester will be hard, the summer even harder but I think it will become easier in the Fall, Spring and Summer. In order to make the summer work, we will have save up. There really is no way that J can work full time and do clinicals full time. Since he has to do clinicals to graduate, he will be working part time or some time. We will try to save as much as we can but I am sure that he will need to work some as well. In less than a year, he will be on DAYS! Yeah. I am so excited!!

It will nice to have him on days and be on days as well. T will be in his senior year. We will get to enjoy him and be home at the same time! Just a couple of more months until he has less than a year. In a couple of days, we will learn some more decisions in our life and then upward and onward.

20 lbs in 20 wks

Some of you may see the 20 lbs in 20 weeks icon to the right. See it, right over ........ there ---->>>>>>.

I follow Ash's blog. She has an inspiring tale and only has a few more pounds to lose before hitting triple digit weight loss. I decided to start with her on her challenge. So far, there are 141 of us that signed up. Want to loose some weight? Come on, join us!

Today, due to little ol Aunt Flo being here, I am up to 189. YUCK! Yesterday on the first official weigh in day it was 191. EVEN sadder. Why? Because at my doctors office, the gym and even home earlier this week it was 186. The whole losing weight thing will also help as we continue on our journey to get a healthy pregnancy. More updates on that to come!

One of the things that Ash wants us to do is to calculate your BMR. That is what you burn just sitting on your butt. Well, I burn 1623 just to keep this mass here. on. earth. I am eating about 1250 a day so, that means, that I am not even eating/exercising enough to loose 1 measly pound a week. I would ideally like to loose 2 pounds a week. So, that means that I have to burn an additional 620 ish calories every.single.day. I have started on that. I truly have.

See, for Lent this year, I was banned from giving up Fast Food by my son. He seems to have this fancy idea that Lent is an individual thing and that one should only give up something that will impact them and not others. He says that if I give up Fast Food then that precludes him from getting it since I wont even stop during Lent. Instead I gave up, being lazy. Lazy. Yes, you heard me. I went to the gym for 3 days the first week, 4 days the second and well, I am at 4 days this week although I need to get up to 5 days a week.

The hubby has been walking with me as well as the dogs. It is amazing how well the 4 legged children sleep at night/day when they have walked. This morning we did 5 miles. Wow. 5 miles!
The dogs they did 3. 1.5 miles to the track. Rest while Mom and Dad walked another 2 miles and then we all walked back home. Now, everyone but me is sleeping. Well, Tyler isn't sleeping because he is cleaning up his bathroom. Shudder. Boys.bathroom.shudder.

I double, dog, dare you to come on over and join Ash's is Fit 20 in 20 weeks.

Optimism

Today, I sit optimisitc. It is CD 16 and I have a Peak on my fertility monitor and a smiley face on my OPK. So, far there has been good timing and we will see how thing go. But I keep thinking, this is really the first time that we have had a good shot since I came off Lupron. Will it easily happen or will it be a much longer road? I feel optimistic in one sense while in the other I wait for the other shoe to drop. Only time will tell.

J sets his SA done on the 13th and on the 11th, I go in for Progesterone check. Here is hoping for a high number on both! If we are successful this cycle, it will be a Turkey Day baby. All, I really hope for is a healthy baby.

On to bed now so that maybe I can get a little luckier with that timing thing ;)

Things I never knew or thought I would never do

Pee into a cup at work so that I have something to dip my OPK in to see where I am in my cycle.
Trying to not look obvious taking said cup and OPK into the bathroom and then disposing of them.

Having your assistant walk in while your putting the OPK box into your drawer.

Realize the difference between OPK's (must have 30ml of LH) and CBEFM (your cycle so it knows when you increase based on your usual LH)

That holding the stick in the cup makes for better results (CB help line told me that)

If you call CB Help line and have a possible stick issue, they will send you an entire box FREE!

Teenage boys really are clueless about teenage girls

Girl Scout Cookies, OPK, hairspray and Pads make up my drawer at work

I will never under the mysteries of CM

Maybe the reason DH and I never got PG before is because apparently our timing sucks.

Congrats! Your the parent of a tween!

I stole this off of another blog but it is SO appropriate! Enjoy.

*****************************************************************

Dear Parents:



CONGRATULATIONS!

You are the winner of a TWEEN BOY!

TWEEN BOYS are very special prize indeed. With your TWEEN BOY, each day will be an adventure! One day, you'll get the sweet, loving boy you've always had. The next day, you'll get a glimpse of the mature, responsible adult he will turn out to be. And on some days, you'll be treated to a snarling hell-beast bent on the destruction of your sanity!

If you are a truly lucky winner, you will get to experience all three of these in the same day, sometimes even the same hour!

You don't need to do anything to collect your prize because your TWEEN BOY is already in your home! Isn't that convenient?

Since you have already won your TWEEN BOY, you will receive your TEENAGER upgrade automatically!

No forms to fill out or shipping costs to pay. Once again, congratulations! I'm sure your TWEEN BOY will give you pride, thrills, joy, and anxiety for years to come!Sincerely,The Karmic Prize DepartmentPS: We see you are already entered in the drawing for another TWEEN BOY!

Let me extend our congratulations now for your future win! How lucky you are to have won this prize twice! Expect his delivery in about eighteen months.

3 more weeks of BCP

Well, that is Birth Control... You may ask why, is she on BCP?

Well, because of the Lupron. If I were to get KU while on Lupron, it would not be good for the baby. In my wonderful state of bliss, I lost my last pack of pills. In getting a new one, my cost is now $50 a month! While $600 a year is not bad for avoiding, it used to be $120 for the entire year. Where is our health care costs going?

Whether you want to have a kid or not, it is expensive!

Last Lupron Shot

Today is my last lupron shot. I am so excited. J on the other hand is not so much. He is really not looking forward to another emotional month. But at least it really is only 1 more month of it and then off to trying on our own.

I cant wait to say goodbye to headaches, good bye to being too emotional, good bye to sleepless nights with no real purpose!

One Word

I PASSED!

Well, that makes two - LOL!

Thanks again for all the comments and support.

Goals

I have two new goals which I am speeding toward.

1. Weight Loss - I am still trying to lose weight. I have been trying to loose weight for a long time. I made the observation that I am about 10 pounds away from what I was in Sept 2004. To aid in my goal attainment, I am going to start a work out tape - The Shred. A bunch of my online friends are trying it. I dont buy into the whole loose 20 pounds in 30 days but I do think that if I do it for 3-4 days a week that I might loose 5 or so pounds in that time frame.

The girls check in on each other every Friday. As you all can track with me, I have a picture of my goals to the left. I would love to loose the whole weight so that I can be a healthier person for when we get pregnant.

2. Pass the PMP Exam - I am scheduled to take the exam on the Sept 4th. I start studying in earnest this week. I have exactly 4 weeks to study and learn all that I can about how they do the test. I need to pass this test. I need to pass this test for me and for work. Will I get anything for doing it for work, nope. But it has been on my goal list for several years and I need to achieve it. I know I know the material and I know that I will pass it. I just have classic anxiety leading up to a test that has cost me several thousands to prepare for.

So, updates to come.