4dp3dt

In normal people speak, that is 4 days after a 3 day transfer. See the little guys, were on day 3 when Dr. Knockmeup decided they needed to go home and today is the 4th day from the 3rd day! Have I lost you yet? Good!

We got our freeze report yesterday and none made it to freeze. Very sad but I do see the light in that 2 were very early blastocysts. So, it just means they were a little behind. And, well that is okay. The ones that were put back were just a little behind so I am going with this whole trend that they will likely be late implanters. It is funny but I talk to them every day. I told J that people will think I am nutty but you know what, this is the closest we have ever gotten to getting KU so as far as I am concerned that I am until next Thursday.

Next Thursday is Beta day. The day, my poor bruised arms go before the nurse to suck out some more blood. At least this time, it is free! YEAH! I just have to wait a day for my progesterone test. I had wanted to fork out another $125 I could have had the test at the lab that does it in one day but I would really like to save some of what little money we have left.
It was funny, yesterday, I stuck something between my chest and my arm to open the car door and holy, heck, battman, my boobs HURT! I am going to attribute it to the PIO (progesterone in oil) that J thankfully gives me every night in the back side.
I do have some pictures of the little guys so I will leave you with images of what I hope will one day be in my arms.

My Meds arrived & the fun has started

My meds arrived partially on Monday & the rest on Tuesday. As I was putting one of them into the fridge at work (it has to stay refrigerated), one of my coworkers came up to me to ask if that was a new way to bring lunch to work. I told her no, that it was my medications. Well, that apparently did not go over well, she hasn't talked to me since then!

Today I went to Dr. Knockmeup and a visit to the dildocam. All was nice and quite. I started the first set of shots tonight, it is the Lu.pron. J did the first shot and it was okay. I think that I will try to do the one tomorrow morning knowing that he can come in and help me when he gets off of work. I am dreading the headaches but knowing that this is all part of the plan.

I am so scared that this will not work. It is such a big chance and an expensive one at that. I am trying to reduce my stress, I am trying to get as much done at work as I can without stressing myself out. Next appt is next Thursday, then it is shots two times a day!

Next appt is the baseline and to write a nice large check. Oh. My.

IVF Meds! Yikes!!

We are starting on week 2 of BCP. Today, I got a call from the pharmacy and about fell over with the cost of the medications. For people that do not have insurance to cover the cost of fertility medications, it is expensive! I spent a portion of today going over the list and checking to see where else I could get them filled. I was able to save about 50% by having them called in at various places. It is amazing to me that the cost of medications can vary so much!

I have also been looking at dates. ER is currently set for my Grandmothers birthday and if we do conceive on that date, then the baby will be due on our anniversary! It just seems like the timing would be so perfect. I vacilate between being so excited and then so scared. I am excited at the chance to be pregnant with our child but so scared that it wont take, that we will have wasted all that money or that we will get a BFP and then loose the baby. It is such a wave of emotions and they come and go.

I am so scared. We have so much riding on this and we are in the best hands, really. Dr. Knockmeup has the greatest success rates and the lab is great too. I am sure that we are in the best hands! As my nurse K, says, YOU will get pregnant! The power of positive thinking. I have to talk with my boss about needing days off. I can only hope that they are in different weeks so that I can take less PTO. But, I will do whatever I have to do. I have been taking my vitamins regularly and not drinking cokes! I miss them but know that the water is better for me. I really need to start walking again. Whether we get pregnant or not, walking will really help me!

My appointments are set up and ready to go. J and I have to make some decisions on what to do with the leftovers, if there are any. We have to sign consents three times! Yikes. I am sure that it will all be okay. I just wish that the packet would come in the mail so that we can get all the consents to review.

On to other non IVF news, J is switching jobs! He is going from nights to days and to part time! YEAH! I am so excited!! We expected him to go to days next summer now it is here early. YEAH!!! Sorry,I am just a bit excited.

T is doing good in school so far. Still having to remind him but oh, well.

Well, I am off to bed. Good night!

A look into my future efforts to have a baby....

I will never be one of those people that can get knocked up with a little luck and just plain ol sex. I will never be accidentally pregnant.
My pregnancy will be very timed and very expensive.
There will be lots of doctors visit and drugs.
Drugs to calm my ovaries, drugs to make them super ovulate, drugs to thicken the home for my hopeful, future child.
There will be nothing natural or accidental or old fashioned about conception.
There will be lots of planning, lots of scheduling and lots of one on one time with Dr. Knockmeup.
Injection training wont be in my future but not because I wont be getting them but because my other half can do that.
My refrigerator will hold all the usual things plus the meds as they must be kept cold.
Good by caffeine, alcohol and exercise because this is just so expensive that nothing can upset the delicate balance of my body
Hello to hormones on high alert, weight gain just because and tears without reason.

As I told my mother the other day, we have already spent the other kids college fund before they get to college so why not spend this future one's? I am sure Dr. Knockmeup and his staff need a new painting in the waiting room or a boat or something.

Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE Dr. Knockmeup. He is very caring, takes his time and is so helpful. It really makes it just a bit easier to write out that check.

Anyway, today is a bad day for wishing, wanting but not able to start down that road just yet.

The Week Ahead....

It is going to be a busy week ahead.... J is out of town tomorrow but will be home late, late, tomorrow. He has a lot of papers that are due and he has asked me to proof them. It is also the last week of the 6 weeks which means, T will have projects due as well. Just a sample of our schedule....

• Go to work early, to get home early for T
• J gets home at 11pm
• Read papers for J, help with edits
• Finish cleaning bathroom and prepare for J's party
• Help T with homework and preparing for tests
• J has 2 doctor appts - and then he works
• Depending on results will determine where we go from here...IF related.
• J has a final presentation in one class on Tuesday and a final in another on Sat.
• T has is final awards ceremony on Friday
• J leaves late on Saturday for military duty, oh joy!

It is so busy. But the semester is almost over for both my boys... just a little bit more and then we can all breath a sigh of relief.

IF Sucks

Onwards and Upwards

Well another cycle came and went. We had good timing and I had three follies (eggs just waiting). In our joy to get KU, we went to the RE (reproductive endocrinologist), he asked us lots of questions, did an exam and then gave me some directions. I may or may not have a cyst so I get to go back in on Friday for another look. If it is a cyst, out it will come. Oh, Joy!

I also got to get some blood drawn. Lots of it. J has to have it done as well. He is being a little pokey about getting it done but I will remind him. We will get our results next Wednesday. Then we will have a game plan. It may include surgery for me and it may include IVF. If we have to do IVF, J and I have talked about trying to do a cycle in July. It would really be the best of the timings and since it has to be planned it will be when our timing works best.

J is almost half way done with his graduate program. I cant wait for him to be complete. I think that the rest of this semester will be hard, the summer even harder but I think it will become easier in the Fall, Spring and Summer. In order to make the summer work, we will have save up. There really is no way that J can work full time and do clinicals full time. Since he has to do clinicals to graduate, he will be working part time or some time. We will try to save as much as we can but I am sure that he will need to work some as well. In less than a year, he will be on DAYS! Yeah. I am so excited!!

It will nice to have him on days and be on days as well. T will be in his senior year. We will get to enjoy him and be home at the same time! Just a couple of more months until he has less than a year. In a couple of days, we will learn some more decisions in our life and then upward and onward.

20 lbs in 20 wks

Some of you may see the 20 lbs in 20 weeks icon to the right. See it, right over ........ there ---->>>>>>.

I follow Ash's blog. She has an inspiring tale and only has a few more pounds to lose before hitting triple digit weight loss. I decided to start with her on her challenge. So far, there are 141 of us that signed up. Want to loose some weight? Come on, join us!

Today, due to little ol Aunt Flo being here, I am up to 189. YUCK! Yesterday on the first official weigh in day it was 191. EVEN sadder. Why? Because at my doctors office, the gym and even home earlier this week it was 186. The whole losing weight thing will also help as we continue on our journey to get a healthy pregnancy. More updates on that to come!

One of the things that Ash wants us to do is to calculate your BMR. That is what you burn just sitting on your butt. Well, I burn 1623 just to keep this mass here. on. earth. I am eating about 1250 a day so, that means, that I am not even eating/exercising enough to loose 1 measly pound a week. I would ideally like to loose 2 pounds a week. So, that means that I have to burn an additional 620 ish calories every.single.day. I have started on that. I truly have.

See, for Lent this year, I was banned from giving up Fast Food by my son. He seems to have this fancy idea that Lent is an individual thing and that one should only give up something that will impact them and not others. He says that if I give up Fast Food then that precludes him from getting it since I wont even stop during Lent. Instead I gave up, being lazy. Lazy. Yes, you heard me. I went to the gym for 3 days the first week, 4 days the second and well, I am at 4 days this week although I need to get up to 5 days a week.

The hubby has been walking with me as well as the dogs. It is amazing how well the 4 legged children sleep at night/day when they have walked. This morning we did 5 miles. Wow. 5 miles!
The dogs they did 3. 1.5 miles to the track. Rest while Mom and Dad walked another 2 miles and then we all walked back home. Now, everyone but me is sleeping. Well, Tyler isn't sleeping because he is cleaning up his bathroom. Shudder. Boys.bathroom.shudder.

I double, dog, dare you to come on over and join Ash's is Fit 20 in 20 weeks.

Optimism

Today, I sit optimisitc. It is CD 16 and I have a Peak on my fertility monitor and a smiley face on my OPK. So, far there has been good timing and we will see how thing go. But I keep thinking, this is really the first time that we have had a good shot since I came off Lupron. Will it easily happen or will it be a much longer road? I feel optimistic in one sense while in the other I wait for the other shoe to drop. Only time will tell.

J sets his SA done on the 13th and on the 11th, I go in for Progesterone check. Here is hoping for a high number on both! If we are successful this cycle, it will be a Turkey Day baby. All, I really hope for is a healthy baby.

On to bed now so that maybe I can get a little luckier with that timing thing ;)

Big headed people and other annoying things.

This week has been an exercise in stupid people....

1. Co worker - "Well, if you know so much, why don't you share with us?" Me: Well, you approved the eLearning discuss this and unsaid "And since you approved it, don't you think you might have actually watched IT?" But I restrained myself.

2. Judge - Forgot to rule on a couple of motions. Hello! Dumba$$.

3. Head trainer to DH: Well, Credentialing organization takes default on payments very seriously. You defaulted and I will have your card pulled, your boss notified and your record updated.

Note to large headed trainer - That is called job threatening. As much as you don't think it is, it is. Oh, and the Credentialing organization has NO policy such as default on payments. Thankyouverymuch. One pissed off wife made a call to said Credentialing organization and they are making a phone call to your boss to inform your lovely self absorbed self that you are WRONG.

4. HR people at unknown place. Um, federal law is just that FEDERAL. You cant make up policies that are not in tune with it. There is a this little itty bitty thing called enforcement. Get a grip and get over it.

5. 2nd job people - I think you are interfering with my ability to conceive. If this continues, I may just have to let you know about that and see if we can work out alternative options. Like it takes 2 and it cant happen when one is not available - Get it? Good. Glad we got that settled.

6. Octuplet Mom - um, Student Loans aren't enough to pay all your bills. Get a job. Stop having kids and stop making people believe that IVF is oh, so easy.

7. My body. Please decide to be normal. Just until I get KU. Then ya know, do whatever, just be normal. 28 days cycles, would be great. Maybe through in a little ovulation every 15 or so days in 28. Thanks. Glad we got that all worked out.

8. Oh yeah, body... losing weight and then gaining it back and then losing it again. Not cool. Knock it off and keep it off. Got it? Thankyou.

Rant over. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Last Lupron Shot

Today is my last lupron shot. I am so excited. J on the other hand is not so much. He is really not looking forward to another emotional month. But at least it really is only 1 more month of it and then off to trying on our own.

I cant wait to say goodbye to headaches, good bye to being too emotional, good bye to sleepless nights with no real purpose!

GO TEXAS!

Need I say more....

Thanks for all the well wishes!

I will certainly use them. As I told my Mom told when she said she would say a little prayer for me tomorrow - " Please mention I only need to know 61% of the answers". LOL!

Well, I am off the computer for some more cramming and jammin. I am going to review my notes, check my mental formula sheet, make sure that I have my two id's and how to get to the testing center. I planned to get there a bit early. Some people have been able to take the test earlier than scheduled. I just really want to avoid traffic on the way home.

In honor of all those who procrastinate when they should be doing other things - I will raise a glass to you tomorrow evening - Lets just hope it is in celebration of a job well done, not another couple of weeks of studying!

Any prayers, lite candles, mantra's go ahead and say them - My brain and I will appreciate it and will return the favor.

The TEST...

I have been studying for the test of the lifetime which I have to take on Thursday. It is a career moving thing. It will accelerate my career and if I dont do so well, I can retake it in another month. But I would rather just take it once and do well on it.

Wish me luck!

Make up

I have decided that I have got to get this image thing down pat. I contacted a friend to come over and help me out. She spent so much time and patience with me it was so nice. I now have a routine that I can follow.



However during our chat, she stated that like woman who wear make up make 19% more than woman who dont. I found this interesting so I googled and came up with an article that says it is 30% more.

I wonder, is this in thier current job or a new one?!

Maybe I was wrong....

Maybe Lupron is not the cause of my lovely headaches. Just maybe. I awoke this morning with a horrible sinus headache. See Cant be caused by the wonderdrug! I took my Day-Quill and low and behold, no headache. No need to drink caffeine - No headache!

Well, we shall see if this continues. Tomorrow is the 1/2 way point until my next shot. 2 more weeks to go. 2 more weeks and then I go on vacation! Lets hope their are no more natural disasters in North America between now and then. Please.

Oh, and in better news... I haven't snapped at J all week! Why is that - we haven't seen each other! Well, here is hoping for seeing him tomorrow and for not snapping at him.

Sorry for the ramblings but this is what ya get with hormonal K!

The blog I mentioned below ...

It is here.

I also want to give a shout out to my favorite soon to be new attorney - lag liv - I know she is going to pass the bar with flying colors!

Now back to our reguarly scheduled Lupron Moments.... due to be over with SOON!

Lupron - 2nd Injection

I got my second injection of Lupron on Friday. Oh, my. I got a horrible headache and was ready to go to sleep by Noon! My body has been acting a bit weird. I am very weepy and easy to piss off. Spotting. It is still here. SUCKS.

I only have a couple of more months. I see where some people only take 4 or 5 months of it but I am not sure that is what I am going to do. My doc advised 6 months so that is what I am going to do. Maybe I will change my mind but not right now. Since I am on add back therapy, no hot.flashes. Yippee Skippy! That is enough to jump up and down for.

2 done, 4 to go

Ode to Infertility

I read this today courtesy of a blog that I follow.... Boo Boos and Bandaid time.

Fear. I fear a lot in my life but I have learned you have to get over it. You have to hold your head high and march on, even when you dont want to. Someone once told me to fake it until I made it.

Well, lately I feel like I am doing a lot of faking it. I feel like a failure as a SP, I feel like a failure as a baby making human, I feel moody and short tempered. Overall, I am not sure that I like myself right now. I cry at the drop of a hat and have also been known to get annoyed quickly. Stupid people annoy me and whats more so, dumb people that cant follow the law yet throw stones on others, they annoy me worse.

Thanks for listening. Rant over.

1 shot, 5 to go

Vacation

I have convinced DH to take a vacation with me. I get to pick the place and SS is going with us. We are heading out to LA to go to the Hoover Dam for 2 days and then back to LA to do Universal Studies for two days. I think that we will have a great time.

What is there to do in LA that a teenager will find fun?